DEAR DIARY

by ID#47

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1.
HOT METAL BF 03:20
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Hi! Long-haired talent skilled in music Sweet eye candy, pretty privilege Stronger, better, good judgements My other half, break me, please You are the prime Token for family photos The best of all your friends alike I will be your type You said you wanted A short, hot goth girl GF Well, here I am Big thighs, platforms High skirts, fishnets Can I be yours? You say no, But won't tell me What's wrong with me So I can get better I will wait for you And change I want you Long-haired talent skilled in music Sweet eye candy, pretty privilege Stronger, better, good judgements My other half, break me, please All I ever wanted Was the man of my dreams But he does not like me So I became the hot metal boyfriend This self-love Has never fulfilled me Like before Heavenly peace I am what I crave Be like me or better Don't be moody Maybe it's not meant to be Become the woman You wanted Get a taste Long-haired talent skilled in music Sweet eye candy, pretty privilege Stronger, better, good judgements Independent icon - now, that is hot Carry ourselves enough money To splash and spoil you and I Power couple, envious goals Inseparable one whole
2.
BLISTERS 04:28
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The walls cry as you indulge In the unholy burning pleasures Baptizing demon, cleansing thyself Of earthly filth, enlightenment Peel my skin at the fingertips Overload friction into perfection There is no sin, guilt does not exist What you want is not what I want Why do you care? You are not me If we are the same, then who is right? Do not tell me Do not use me Do not hurt me Do not trust me No, don't touch me Exceed the limit, going insane Again and again, filled with dry pills Thoughts and prayers for my downfall Physically and mentally y worthless burden Aching wings, keep going Numb the pain, stronger than ever There is no sin, guilt does not exist What you want is not what I want Why do you care? You are not me If we are the same, then who is right? Do not tell me Do not use me Do not hurt me Do not trust me No, don't touch me Shape-shifting force, catwalk posture Starving beauty, red-stained soles Cover blisters, take it away I don't want what I hate; I will die pretty Persistent fashion, sleepless and bruised Foul injuries, no healing scars Gasping for air, collapsing to my knees Begging for mercy, suffocation Self-betrayal from the worst enemy My own body makes me sick, attachment issues Turn my insides out, regenerate Let time heal, and hope to stay
3.
FAVOURITE 02:23
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Bask in glory of preference Favoured conversations Walking library of secrets Everyone's best friend Actions from a movie scene My idea of easy-going Foolproof model I want to be like you Impossible expectations Unrealistic standards I can't be close, but I can be like Reminders of my idols Far-fetched dreams, delusional means The future is me, the future is now Unwanted attention One-sided relationships Robbed of time Waste of effort This normality Feels so strange Have I gone too far With my wishes? Go-getter for anything All-in-one convenience What do you want from me?
4.
COMPLEXITY 03:17
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Look who's here, mister I-know-everything Queen of self-suffiency Instincts never fail me Always right guessing your every move Listen to myself all day, everyday "Who do you think you are?" ... A star. If you can't do it, I will do it If you CAN do it, I will do it better I am not what I want to be Stuck with conflicting identity issues Outcasts exclude me, yet I can't be left alone I'm going to snap my tendons in half Consistent victories Track record of tragedies Caused by me Funny Making myself laugh Favourite topic: making fun of you I'm a reliable Trustworthy superior Should have said something else You're an embarrassment Last of your bloodline, forget your honour Breaking traditions to become what? Mentally, physically Unwell, unstable It feels like I can't breathe Hollow, but calm Left speechless, red and sore Puffy eyes It feels like I can't breathe Hollow, but calm Left speechless, red and sore Puffy eyes
5.
MORE THAN HATE 03:23
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Mashing your face Smear your blood as lipstick Replicate the pain you caused To see how you like it Tearful entertainment Cry, whine, die Harvesting your organs To feel fine Gnawing fingers off Colouring your arms Return the fantasy Of drawing blood in bed Hypocritical Spineless narcissist Rearrange your body To feel fine You never listened to me Eyeing your trophy Pressured to keep up With your high libido You hate my favourite word "no" Until I give in You are free to make a mess But I have to stay clean I need to be erased From your tainted mind Delete everything Like I don't exist Reduce Your expectations to zero Reuse Manipulation tactics on you Recycle old stories To make you feel insane Rethink our history No need to repair Project your favourite Ideology onto me Bigotry is comedy Behind my back Are you really proud of me? Are you lying for my sake? Why put me on a pedestal Then throw me under? Stargazing on the edge Tempted to nudge But you'd just die in seconds Away from my hands Destroying all you own Including myself Close to overdose To feel fine Push comes to shove Say what I want to say Intentional hurt Free of remorse No more precautions I'd settle for an accident Admit the truth To feel fine I hope that we don't cross paths You are dead to me I don't forget or forgive I would never give you a chance I don't want to Be in your life Anymore, evermore Take a hint I don't want to Be in your life Anymore, evermore Take a hit
6.
1 AM 02:17
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Falling from dusk, I lie and brace Rolling ankles, beating ribs Minus degrees, slow and heavy Slip into something comfortable for them Unassumed lurkers in my solitude Take my heart or take me out Rowdy and fun is how they play Regardless of what I say Dimly lit, closed hours Missing keys, dead signals On this path I take,mIt's my fault But I will make a "next time" Blinding beacon Supersonic scream Hundred per cent Adrenaline rush Born to defend Made to offend Live to parry Laugh hysterically Understand shortcuts Trained in every clothes Accessorize weaponry Strengthen nature Uppercut the nose Flick those temples Left hook, lower back Swing for the kneecaps I'll be fine I'll be alright I became what I was scared of Others cower, crossing roads Clutching bags, turning back
7.
SUMMER 03:34
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Out of my way Shut up, damn you I was the outcast In a room of friends of friends Deceiving smiles Misleading laughter Promised sanctuary While he dragged me as deadweight One goes up, one goes down He was happy, I wasn't Loud and clear Corrupted by devilish whispers Inferno birth Infernal child Grounded by fatigue Denied new normalities Pressured to conform Anything to move on "I like you that way" he said About my altered state Only he would know what would Happen if it was only us I still remember all the things That he said and did to me Always thought about me But never appreciated me Something, something, I am sorry Begging for forgiveness, please Talk, talk, talk and talk My desires over your needs I am not an evil being But I am because I can't Please you or your family, The future is in the past I looked forward to this demise Watching him cry Pathetic quivering lips So satisfying Missed what I used to be With selective memory There was no change Just embraced myself They were right I enjoy suffering Of others crumbling Under my control I yelled, I screamed Because it felt good Mocking his aesthetics And measly ways No longer gullible To his psychological Horror shows I took liberty Undo all you did Reverse all your advances All I want is For you to get Out of my way Shut up, damn you
8.
AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY... 04:20
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No restraint Eye for murder Clench my teeth And fist in range Anyone will do Everyone does it too Punish all Just to feel OK No progress has been made Indifference killed my hate Unfair blame Because I'm different All I do is disappoint you It's whatever, "as long as you're happy" I could have everything And still be defeated Disconnect real life Rotate sickness Delay those tears And my heart Write my last note Proving I was right, And they were wrong Just to feel OK Innocent patience Turn me away From my flaws Yet, I still feel the same All I do is disappoint you It's whatever, "as long as you're happy" I could be better And still be defeated Veer off to create My own haven Accept great power Build my own family This is all I want All I've asked for Even in need Refuse your deeds Surrender all you know I am not what you remember Prepare for the change Clutch your bags and pearls Purposely on my own Avoid help Putting myself first Just to feel OK For once, I feel justified More than fine I can be proud of me Self-centred confidence Blood traitor Others over me Deserted loyalty Pitiful emergency Calling...
9.
COLD 02:17
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It's not my fault How was I supposed to know? I need validation Console me Neither victim nor witness Just a scapegoat I swear it's the truth Believe me Stop crying, weak Be quiet, seeker This is how life works Take the blame Stop crying, weak Be quiet, seeker This is how life works Get used to it Enough about me Tell me your side Dare to say I did that When you were the perpetrator I will take disappointment Over false honouring At least, we'll be honest Even if it hurts Skin cold as stone Unable to regulate Body temperature Reptilian heart Shedding a new face Purple nails, pale hands Void of sunlight Locked in obscurity It's too late, I'm grown No need for apologies Useless life advice Could have used the respect It's too late, I'm grown No need for apologies Useless life advice Mutual disrespect More than just a silent treatment Coded to be offline Reserve my energy For someone worthy There is nothing wrong with me This is how I always am When I'm with you Because I don't like you

about

Inspired by the journal entries throughout my decade-long writing therapy.

youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqvKch3Iw9L3BXbAqvwf2QXqxxhh30iR8

Tuning: Drop C
Guitar & Amp: Ibanez GRG121DX GIO, BOSS Katana 50 MKII
Bass & Amp: Ibanez RGB300-BKF Rgb, Orange Crush Bass 25w
Drums & Amp: TourTech TT-16S, TourTech TT-30B

Audio Interface: N/A
Microphone: OnePlus Nord
DAW: Audacity

Inspiration: Personal diary entries, a decade of writing therapy, personal drama
Influence: Fudge Tunnel
Process: Refine my style, hone in on the technical aspects of music, and do what I like doing (:

Graphic Art Resources: Google Slides, OnePlus Nord
ABOUT Cover: (Possibly a stray) cat that lives down my street. This idiot launched itself on me, climbed and started kneading the back of my nape. It will chase after me whenever it sees me, and it's the only cat I run away from.

youtube.com/@id-47
linktr.ee/id47

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released May 7, 2023

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ID#47 image

ID#47 England, UK

The 47th placeholder. Self-taught DIY freak. Doom Metal turned Sludge Metal artist.

Thank you for listening ^^ Your support and attention means everything to me, as it's more than I can ever ask for :D

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